“You just don’t know me well enough to...”

Have you ever felt like you just lucked out when you won a prize in a competition? Or heard a voice in your head whisper, “You just don’t really know me,” when someone complimented how great you are? All of these unsettling feelings and thoughts come from the underlying nagging feeling of being a “fraud”, being on pins and needles, worried that people might “realize” you aren’t who they thought you are someday. That is not normal, and it is called Imposter Syndrome. Does this sound familiar? Don’t worry, I struggle with Imposter Syndrome too. And trust me, it is common and manageable.

There are different mental barriers people with Imposter Syndrome often have when it comes to perceiving their achievements. They persistently believe that they are not who people perceive them to be, thinking they are not as smart as others thought, not as hard-working as others thought, in all ways not as great as how others perceive them to be. Which lead to their acts of dismissing other’s compliments, whispering in their head “people are just being nice” or “they won’t say that if they knew me well enough.”; while having a constant underlying anxiety of being “exposed” at some point. To prevent exposure, some may overwork to “cover up” who they “truly” are which then leads to burn out. Nevertheless, they usually credit external factors of their success, instead of acknowledging and appreciating their hard work or skills, their mind goes: “I just know the right people”, “the timing was good” or “it’s all luck.” A classic example in life would be getting a promotion at work because of a big contribution, rather than feeling proud and celebrate, a person with Imposter Syndrome would assume their contribution is a small work that everyone could handle, while they might also panic over their promotion being a decision made by their boss without thinking through it. Does this sound familiar?

Two common causes of Imposter Syndrome are comparison and perfectionism. People who struggle with Imposter Syndrome often have their eyes locked on how good others are doing, their standards of good are constantly set on others but themselves. Every time when they made an accomplishment, their mind goes – “oh this is nothing, look at her, that’s what actually hard.” Their bar of “good” floats, which put them on a trail of constantly chasing. Some also focuses on the tiny flaws. When something in the process doesn’t seem pleasing to their eyes, regardless how small they are, they deny all their effort and believes the whole project is bad.

Navigating Imposter Syndrome starts with challenging negative self-talk and keeping track of own achievements and progress. Pause and reflect whenever your mind starts whispering “it’s not that hard,” “they are way better than me," or “I don’t deserve this,” ask yourself if these thoughts are supported by any evidence, ask yourself if you are appreciating all your effort. Keep track of all achievements, regardless how big or small they seem to you, and have them serve as a reminder of your ability and progress.

Everyone has their journey; we all walk at our own pace. You are not behind. Respect and appreciate yourself and the effort you put into everything!